The term “values” is often thrown around, particularly during conflicts or when evaluating someone’s behavior, actions, or decisions. Life is unpredictable, and we often encounter situations beyond our control. This is where our values come into play. But what exactly are values, and how do they impact our decisions and behaviors?
Values are the ideas, principles, and concepts that we hold dear in various aspects of our lives, such as personal, family, and work. They serve as our guideposts for determining whether our lives are progressing as we desire. Essentially, our values are our internal code of conduct, and living by them should come naturally. Understanding the value system is crucial because different values lead to different decisions and outcomes. As a coach, recognizing this fact can shift our entire coaching perspective. It’s important to note that values are personal and can vary from person to person. What’s important to one person may not be as significant to another. Additionally, the same value can be perceived differently by different individuals, depending on their priorities, maturity, and experiences.
In conclusion, values play a significant role in our lives, impacting our decisions and behaviors. As coaches, understanding the value system can help us better serve our clients and guide them towards their desired outcomes.
Values conflict can lead to significant decision-making dilemmas and hesitation. As we have established, values have a significant impact on the choices we make. For example, an individual who values work-life balance may prioritize leaving work on time to attend their child’s play, while their boss may expect them to stay late to complete a team project. This can create a significant conflict, particularly if the boss asks the employee to skip the play and work overtime.
Another example of values conflict is when two people witness a misuse of power at work. One person who values honesty may report the incident or take a stand against it, while another person who values loyalty may remain silent.
When we do not live up to our values, we may experience dissatisfaction, internal conflict, or annoyance without knowing why. It is essential to recognize that values are acquired throughout life, shaped by experiences, challenges, background, family, and environment. Each person has their own unique set of values and value system.
Various factors can affect our value acquisition, including family, environment, friends, school, religion, and self-development. As we navigate through life, we adopt and adjust our values according to what serves us best.
In conclusion, values conflict can have a significant impact on decision-making and can lead to internal conflict and dissatisfaction. Understanding the sources of our values and how they shape our decision-making can help us navigate conflicts and make choices that align with our values.
According to an old saying, attributed to both Aristotle and St. Ignatius Loyola,
“Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man.”
ARISTOTLE AND ST. IGNATIUS LOYOLA
This saying suggests that a child’s upbringing and education during their formative years will shape their character as an adult. From birth to age seven, children are like sponges, absorbing everything around them during what is known as the “imprint period.” However, two other critical periods are often overlooked: the “modeling period” from ages eight to thirteen, and the “socialization period” from ages thirteen to twenty-one.
During the modeling period, children try on different behaviors and values, much like trying on a suit, to see what fits and what doesn’t. Parents and teachers play a crucial role during this time, as children often imitate their behavior rather than their words. Religion and other authority figures also have a significant impact on a child’s values during this period.
In the socialization period, peers become a more significant influence on a young person’s values and behavior. They may seek out others who share their values or reject their initial programming in favor of a new identity.
Throughout these three periods, individuals are constantly acquiring, adjusting, and adopting values. However, identifying one’s values can be challenging, as they are often deeply ingrained in the unconscious mind. It is essential to recognize and prioritize our values, as they ultimately define who we are as individuals.
Our values are not set in stone. They are acquired throughout our lives and can change over time. Therefore, it is important to elicit our values periodically. We have already established how values are acquired and what influences them. Examples of values include fairness, affection, trust, fun, and security. However, some values hold more weight than others. These are known as core values and have a greater impact on our decision-making.
But why should we care about our values?
Well, changing our values can lead to changes in our behavior and decision-making, which ultimately affects our results. By becoming more self-aware of what drives us and what influences us, we can make better decisions that align with our values. On the other hand, if we disconnect from our values or act against them, we may experience discomfort and demotivation.
When it comes to coaching, building a strong foundation is crucial for a productive and long-lasting relationship. One of the most important tools for achieving this is values discovery. By understanding a client’s values, we can connect with them on a deeper level and better understand what influences their decisions and principles. However, failing to discover a client’s values or having a vague understanding of them can hinder the coaching process and strain the client-coach relationship, ultimately affecting the results and making it difficult to achieve goals.
Often, when discussing values, beliefs are also brought up. These two elements tend to complement each other and work in tandem. Together, they form the foundation of our decisions and behaviors, creating a complex web of interconnectedness. Understanding a client’s values is crucial for a coach, as it provides insight into their decision-making process. By knowing a client’s values, a coach can better answer essential questions and determine if they are a good fit for the client. Additionally, identifying any potential conflicts in values can help the coach navigate the coaching relationship more effectively. In summary, values and beliefs are integral components of our lives, and understanding them is essential for effective coaching. By recognizing the interconnectedness of these elements, coaches can better serve their clients and help them achieve their goals.